Start All Over
by KittenSnickers
Summary: What if Marissa hadn't been killed in a car accident? What if Ryan had another chance to show her what she meant to him? What if she couldn't remember him?
1. Fallen Tears

_**Hey! This is my First Oc Fiction. I've Always been a true fan of The Marissa/Ryan Ship always! So I thought I'd write a fiction in memory of the O.c! Tear! I'll always miss it! So tell me what you guys think, hopefully you like it and if you do I'll continue.**_

_Summary: What if Marissa hadn't been killed in the car accident? What if Ryan had another chance to show her what she meant to him? What if she couldn't remember him?_

_Chapter 1. Fallen Tears._

He let a silent tear fall down his face as he held her lifeless body in his arms, coaxing her gently to wake up, yet there was no movement.

It had been one year since Marissa's accident, and since then Ryan had come to this very same ward as he watched Marissa's thin face become even thinner, her face still holding the same reflection of death that most of the time he felt.

Her family had disagreed when the doctor suggested turning the life support off, shocked at the doctor's idea to kill such a young girl. But Ryan knew that meant there was little hope for Marissa; if not little, _none_.

Ryan had always been a pessimistic, but as the days went on, he had become a shadow of his former self. Even when he had to deal with the isolation from his own mother he had dealt with it, but when it came to the unknown of Marissa's future, _their_ future he found it harder to deal with each day.

He contemplated if she had died would he have felt as much pain as he did now, and if there was a God, why wouldn't he take her to Paradise? Maybe he could take Ryan too.

A year ago Ryan sat at this bedside, with all the hope he had ever felt, now he sat at the same bedside with no hope, just fear of what would come next.

At first he wanted to kill Volchuck, but as days passed he realised Volchuck was probably already dead inside with the guilt, so he let him go.

He held her hand and kissed her cheek promising he would return tomorrow hoping she would hear him, still she made no movement.

He returned to the pool house and lay on his bed, a knock on the door made him wince, he didn't want company.

"Dude?"

He looked up; It was Seth, Ryan couldn't help but grin.

"What you been up to my man?" Seth asked although he already knew the answer.

Ryan shrugged "How's college going?"

Seth nodded "It's cool," he stopped and studied Ryan's face "You gotta let her go Man."

Ryan shook his head "If it was Summer."

"I'd let her go." Seth tapped Ryan's back signalling the end of the conversation "Let it go, Live your life."

Ryan was already in a temper, he snapped so easily lately.

"Never." Ryan's face turned red "You don't get it Seth." He hissed "You didn't even have a life before I came."

Seth looked shocked he raised his hands in defeat "Yeah.. Well.. Whatever dude."

And he left Ryan alone again in his pool house. _Alone again_.

He entered the ward that he become so familiar with he could see everything with his eye's shut, the green walls, the white tiles, so that's just what he did he shut his eyes.

He sat down on the brown chair beside her bedside, and opened his eyes, something had changed yet he couldn't tell, the floors and wall were the same, the old flowers, the bed sheets were still the plain white ones.

Then he realised, Marissa's expression had changed.

He jumped up in shock knocking the lily's beside him to the floor.

"Hello?" the sweet voice asked, the voice he had almost forgotten. "Hello?" the voice came again he pinched himself.

It definitely wasn't a dream.

"I'm here." he answered and Marissa's blue eyes opened, they were bigger now in contrast to her small face, and they glittered less.

"Where's Luke?" She asked with an expression of confusion, he didn't care she was confused all he cared was that she was there; awake.

"She's awake." He cried out the open the door, but nobody came rushing. He pressed the nurse button and seconds later one appeared in the doorway "What's wrong?" she asked.

"She's awake!" Ryan called his face beamed in pure happiness.

"I know." the nurse shook her head in amazement "She's been awake for a while now, Ryan. Nobody told you?"

Ryan shook his head, the nurse bit her lip "Come?" she asked him, he shook his head, He couldn't leave Marissa now, what if she fell back asleep, what if something _worse_ happened.

"She's okay, I promise." The nurse assured knowing Ryan's desperate state.

He followed her out the room she shook her head "I don't know if I'm the one who should be telling you this, but , she woke up last night."

"And?" Ran asked wondering where she was going this remembering Marissa's sweet voice asking him where Luke was; _Luke._

"She has a mild case of Amnesia."

"Amnesia?" Ryan asked trying to understand the full impact of the word.

"The last thing she remembers is the day she first met you."

"Me?" Ryan asked in shock.

The nurse nodded "I guess that was a special day."

She turned and left him standing there "For both of you." She smiled sympathetically.

He returned to the room where Julie sat holding her daughter's hands in her own.

She didn't hear him enter, he coughed deliberately. She turned and faced him tears welling in her eyes.

"Can you believe it Ryan?"

He shook his head, a smile splattered across his face.

"Here, sit." Julie got up and motioned to the chair, her dislike for Ryan had changed when she watched his commitment to her daughter.

Ryan shook his head "No, you stay I'll come back later."

He had to think.

That night he sat in his bed, Marissa forgot _everything_. Her father's bankruptcy, Oliver, Volchuck, Johnny _everyone_.

But maybe it was for the best, maybe she didn't have to relive it all, maybe they could start over.

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_**Tell me if you want me to go on okay?**_


	2. Traits Of Marrisa

_Hey. Thanks a million to Florchuchizz, OE-shipper-2006, Summer Davis, newportgirl22, lovefortheO.C, CohenNAtwood, Juzzy88, Girlz-Rule, Sporkface, KILLERGRIM23, kodak.x.moment,vacant3x4 for the support. See I LOVE you guys)_

_Erm... I'm so thrilled with the reviews, I kinda feel the storyline is so unoriginal..:S Yuck.._

_But... I just wanna say I love the O.Cees! So much more easy to impress than the Losties Lol.._

_Thanks again. (to all the people who read it.)_

_

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_Chapter 2. Traits of Marissa._

He returned to the hospital the next day with a bunch of pink lilies, he didn't want to seem too headstrong by getting her that one red rose he had clasped his hand on in the shop automatically.

Knocking gently on her door, he remembered the second day he had stumbled upon her door the words "Cooper, Marissa, P.C" Slotted in where many others names had once been. So lifeless, like her. He had knocked the second day expecting her to be sitting awake. He had no idea how long a coma could last. In fact he never had an idea about coma's he just expected people to wake up in a few hours.

Julie sat at her daughter's bedside, Marissa's skeleton hand clasped in Julie's. Both women turned their blue eyes catching on Ryan dramatically. He couldn't help but see the similarities, both eyes were duller than he had ever seen them; Julie had black circles outlining the top of her cheeks. She must have stayed with Marissa the whole night.

He dropped the flowers on a table beside him, his sudden disinterest in them obvious to Marissa. She didn't look too surprised to see him as she had the day before.

Julie smiled; Ryan had seen Julie's vulnerability more now than ever, since Marissa's coma he had seen a side of calmness and nervousness in Julie, a final trait Marissa had taken from her mother; despite her comments of hate towards her mother it was too noticeable how alike they actually were.

Julie jumped from her seat kissing Marissa's hand and pulled Ryan outside "I didn't know-" she stopped and looked at Ryan uncomfortably looking lost, broken. A sudden urge to hug her hit him but it pushed it away remembering Luke's attempts to comfort Julie. Ryan was not an incest type.

"Should I tell her?" Julie asked a small frown playing across her forehead.

"Tell her what?"

"Everything… I mean I don't know how to-" She looked back in the door and turned slowly "How do you tell your daughter _you_ forced them to become someone on borderline alcohol abuse and theft." She bit her lip dramatically "That your father ran away to the damn other side of the world?"

Ryan shrugged, denying the urge to tell Julie she was wrong it wasn't her fault, that Marissa was just disturbed. _Disturbed_. "It was bad living it once." He offered making her feel slightly less alone, that he was living her nightmare too. Marissa was awake now; he should be grinning her and kissing her _warm_ lips rather than her cold cheek.

She nodded "I should go home, and." She sniffed the cold air "shower I guess."

Ryan grinned noticing her revolted face "and sleep." he noted "I'll stay with her."

He re-entered the room, not wanting Marissa to feel uncomfortable he lessened his gaze and pulled at his t-shirt sitting down. Marissa smiled "It's okay. _I know_."

"_Know _what_"_

"That you were _my_" She stopped and let out an embarrassed chuckle "boyfriend."

"Oh. That." Ryan grinned back blushing slightly; he hadn't imagined their first conversation to be like this.

"I don't know what I was thinking." she teased making a bored face "I mean come on." She ushered him with her thin hand and chuckled again.

He crossed his arms protectively, and stopped himself from reaching out and touching her.

She let her smile drop "I'm kidding." she rubbed her arm and let her head lob to the side adorably "I wish I knew what I was thinking."

He nodded and stopped resisting the urge to touch her cheek, the life in it made him smile. "You were thinking I was incredibly cool." he grinned despite the humid air, the dreaded conversation "Look, I love you Marissa. I know you're probably scared and you want to remember." she nodded biting her lip "but nobody can really tell you what happened, because what I thought of you wasn't who you were."

She nodded trying desperately to understand what he was telling her, the tears welled in her eyes.

"I know you're a strong person Marissa." he smiled and wiped away a fresh salty tear that had arisen and dribbled down her tiny face "I know you can remember yourself, that you can remember everything you felt before." He hesitated slightly and shook his head "even if it's not all good."

Marissa began to sob gently "People keep saying that." she choked "they keep saying it wasn't so good."

Ryan held her shaking shoulders in his slightly less shaky hands. Not succeeding he let his hands drop to hers, holding them in attempt to calm her.

"I mean." Marissa tried to even out her breathing; unsuccessful "was it that bad, was I. I just want somebody to tell me the truth. Tell me my life."

"It was bad." Ryan admitted clasping her hands further; her eyes searched his as if looking for something.

"But you have another chance to change that Marissa."

"I just want to." She stopped when there was a rap on the open door and her father appeared "Baby," he rushed over to her blocking Ryan away Marissa let his hands drop to hug her father "Daddy!" She cried in such girly enthusiasm it made Ryan laugh. "Where were you?"

Jimmy Cooper kissed his daughter's cheek "waiting for you to wake up."

"It's really scary, dad."

Jimmy nodded; he could share her fear, her guilt, and her deadness.

Ryan could tell he was trying to look fatherly, look protective, but Ryan saw the look of dread, guilt.

It was slightly Jimmy's fault, Ryan admitted, he did leave her alone, unable to cope with Julie and Kaleb.

"Ryan." Jimmy nodded at him appreciatively, finally seeing him in the room. Ryan stood, "Nice to see you." He began to leave "I'll just, go." Jimmy was stroking Marissa's cheek.

Marissa didn't want to see Ryan, she didn't even share the same feeling he felt. Love.

What if she couldn't remember her feelings for him anymore? What if, infact she hated him now?

He shook slightly and grabbed his cell phone. "Julie?" he muttered into the receiver after a couple of seconds "Yes, everything's fine,"

"No. Don't turn around."

"Jimmy's with her now."

"Yeah."

"I guess."

"Just call me when she's free of company. OK?" He clapped the phone shut, annoyed he still hadn't had the chance to even hug her.

He was jealous. He cared more about her than Jimmy did. He never left her by herself apart from that one summer where everything had been totally wrong, but they weren't a proper couple then, and he apologized.


	3. Perfect Stranger

_Chapter 3. Perfect Stranger._

"Coop?" The familiar voice sent Marissa into tears.

"Summer! Where have you been?" She held her arm out at arms length gesturing for Summer to hug her; she did engulfing Marissa in a sweet scent. Her hair was almost the same but her features had changed so dramatically Marissa was suddenly too aware of how long she had been gone.

Her eyes had wisdom in them; in the depths they glittered in happiness.

She was more beautiful now, wearing a low-key brown top flowing gently over her blue jeans.

"You look… Different." Marissa stated touching her own waist self consciously.

"You too." Summer smiled genuinely, Marissa could already tell Summer had changed so much, she was a woman now, not just some boy-obsessed teenager.

"I missed you so much Coop."

Marissa smiled "Me too." although truly she hadn't exactly had the chance to miss her.

"So is this new?" she touched Summers faux fur scarf, making conversation because truthfully she didn't know what to say.

Summer grinned "Yeah, do you like it? I got it for you, Its fake, obviously 'cause I couldn't bare buying actual animals, I mean imagine pancakes looking like this." she passed the scarf to Marissa, and shuddered when she realised how confused Marissa was.

"Pancakes is my bunny."

"Oh. For a second I thought you'd gone mad," she laughed, desperately trying to control her annoyance in missing Summer's life. "So." She was embarrassed to ask the question "What do you do now?"

"I've just finished College," Summer didn't seem embarrassed, she looked proud "I'm going to go to Africa and help children in need for awhile, I mean I don't see the point in earning money yet, especially when daddy has so much. I mean of course, when I'm older I'll get a job with good pay but I just think it would feel so good to help out you know?"

Marissa nodded, so shocked she could barely breath, Summer had just said that, the only thing she had actually seen part of the old Summer was when she said "When daddy has so much."

"If this isn't weird to say Coop, I think after I seen your accident it made me so conscious about all the horrible things going on in life, as crazy as this sounds, I kind of want to thank you for opening my eyes."

Marissa laughed; How Summer could turn her accident into an optimistic thing.

Summer smiled, pleased she had made Marissa laugh, it was scary seeing Marissa so much thinner, skeleton like, and although she laughed her eyes were dull as if bored with everything she heard.

"I missed you so much." she stated again and watched as her friend squirmed in her tight embrace.

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" Marissa asked, as much as she was happy to see Summer being helpful in the community she wanted to see part of the old Summer.

Summer nodded "Yes!" she looked excited "Seth Cohen." she stated when Marissa was obviously waiting another statement.

Marissa laughed and kicked her gently "Very funny, Sum."

"No, I'm not joking." she looked almost uncertain, scared as she spoke "I can't-" she stopped herself in mid sentence forcing her face to look happy again "I mean I love him."

Marissa wasn't sure why Summer's voice had changed so dramatically, whether Marissa's accusation against that couple was true or whether Summer was scared of something; all the same she changed the conversation "Cool. I went out with-" she stopped her face turning red as if she was embarrassed, "with," her face was determined like she was pushing something out.

"Ryan?" Summer asked.

Marissa nodded her expression grateful "I forgot." She looked away.

"He loved you." Summer grinned, she was happy again, pressing her hand against Marissa's for comfort "He really did, he still does."

"That's nice." Marissa mused, "I'm still not sure if I like him."

Summer looked flabbergast "Trust me Coop, you do. One time me, you, Seth, Ryan got locked into the mall, no joke." she laughed "It was so fun, we played hockey and almost slept in fake tents."

Summer stayed most of the night telling Marissa of the happy things together stopping ever so often almost hitting off other issues, not-happy ones.

"Marissa?" his voice was calm, but his face was hinting how reserved he was being, his expression carefully cautious of her.

She laughed dejectedly "I'm not going to bite you, Ryan."

He grinned and shook his head "It's just so strange to see you -" He moved closer to the bed awkwardly "awake."

"Yeah," She smiled despite her tear stricken cheeks, Either Ryan was oblivious to the fact she was just crying, or he was choosing to ignore it "I mean I wouldn't know what that's like but." She looked away giving him an opportunity to speak.

When he didn't speak, just bored his eyes into hers she continued "The doctors say there's a huge chance if I go to counselling I'll recover full memory." there was a nervous tinge in her voice making Ryan put his hand on hers, gently massaging her soft skin.

Her questioning eyes turned to his, as if uncomfortable by his actions, yet he didn't remove his hand instead he squeezed her hand in his.

That's when she decided she liked him.

"That's good." Ryan stated, his other hand was on her cheek making her stomach turn in butterflies, "I thought I should be the one to tell you what happened back then."

She turned to him in surprise "What?"

"See, you don't remember me-" When she didn't answer, his eyes misted "Right?"

She shook her head "But, I've heard stories about us and I can-" She tried to see exactly how she had lived all them out with the almost stranger in front of her. He was the perfect stranger however, because tangled in his eyes she could see the hope and care he felt for her.

"Well, if _I_ tell you there's no loss if you get upset with me."

She laughed sarcastically "No, There is, Ryan." It was the first time she had spoken with such authority as if she knew him.

"Someone has to tell you."

Sighing, her eyes caught his agreeing silently with him. "Okay?"

He nodded and cupped her face "You'll be fine."

"Promise?" it was supposed to be a light joke, but his face became more serious "I promise." he planted a small kiss on her cheek and his scent was familiar to her, finally something about him was familiar to her.

Her face beamed up at him, smiling at his courage "Nobody better could help me."

_Hey!! Thankyou sooooo much for the reviews! I'm not gonna name everyone again BUT just know I analyized all the reviews and I LOVE you guys, I know there hasn't been much Ryan/Marissa Fluff..Yet, But Comin up is Chapter 4-Bad Memories, which I'm sure you can guess what's about!! I hope you guys review and again and encourage me to continue) thanks again!x_


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